Expensive Amy: A few of my members of the family are going to have a mini household reunion in Paris in a number of months – town the place my brother lives.
My brother’s son, spouse and their two younger kids will likely be flying to Paris from Istanbul, and I will likely be flying in from the USA.
My nephew’s household and I will likely be staying on the similar lodge.
A number of instances my brother has talked about that his son and household are coming to Paris “particularly to see the uncle from America.”
So, in mild of these repeated feedback, do you assume it could be essential or moderately the appropriate factor to do for me to pay for my nephew and household’s lodge invoice throughout their week’s go to in Paris?
And sure, I can afford to pay – however do I have to?
– Dan in LA
Expensive Dan: Thanks for asking a query that will likely be met by a common sigh: “What a pleasant downside to have.”
Your nephew and household are touring for a household reunion, which can embrace his father (grandparent to the kids). Presumably these members of the family have hung out collectively beforehand.
I infer that your nephew and his spouse haven’t spent a lot (if any) time with you and that their kids have presumably by no means met you.
You possibly can think about their pleasure and curiosity about assembly their American uncle.
Your brother is passing alongside this household’s pleasure, not asking so that you can foot their invoice or implying that you must.
I don’t learn something in your narrative that ought to lead you down this path, but when they’re in want otherwise you wish to be beneficiant on this manner, then paying for his or her lodge invoice can be a really type factor to do.
In any other case, I hope you’ll convey some small presents from Los Angeles, maybe take them to lunch or to a museum in Paris, and – in case you all hit it off – you could possibly invite them to go to you in your house, and foot the invoice while you do.
Expensive Amy: I’m a middle-age single lady and lately began seeing a person my age. I used to be married for 20 years, and he has by no means been married. My two kids are in faculty.
He’s a very candy, good, and respectful man. We share a whole lot of widespread pursuits.
He lately invited me to his residence for the primary time and … it’s pretty disgusting. Not simply messy, however very soiled and unhealthy – with meals waste and soiled dishes and pots on the counters.
I’m not sure about what to say to him concerning the state of his home. I actually don’t ever wish to spend time there. Up till then we had all the time gone out or come to my home, which is clear and pretty good – like in a standard sense. (I’m not a clear freak or something.)
Ought to I inform him about how I really feel about his home and ask him to scrub it up earlier than I come over once more?
– Recovering
Expensive Recovering: Your man invited you to his home. Presumably this go to was deliberate, and he was placing his finest foot ahead.
He’s a mature individual dwelling on the earth. He’s making selections about how he’s dwelling. I’m undecided asking him to scrub his home can be helpful.
You have to be sincere about the place you select to spend your time: “I’m not snug in your home; it’s too messy for me to really feel at residence there.”
I do assume it’s vital that you just perceive the truth of a future with somebody who doesn’t take excellent care of himself and his environment.
I hope you’ll proceed to take pleasure in his firm, however don’t child your self that it is possible for you to to encourage him to dwell in another way.
You’ve had expertise in a protracted marriage; in case you two find yourself cohabiting, you’ll find yourself being frequently annoyed by his poor life-skills.
Expensive Amy: “Pondering Papa” requested about single {couples} sleeping collectively whereas visiting residence.
A long time in the past, when my live-in boyfriend and I visited his dad and mom, his mom acknowledged that whereas she knew that we have been dwelling collectively and sleeping collectively, in her home we might not: “My home, my guidelines.”
A number of years later after they visited us, I stated that I had put them in separate rooms as a result of now it was “ My home…. My guidelines.”
All of us laughed for a few years about that. I nonetheless miss them!
– Grateful DIL
Expensive Grateful: Having a humorousness undoubtedly helps.
(You possibly can e-mail Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. It’s also possible to comply with her on Twitter @askingamy or Fb.)
