It’s virtually impossible to talk about weddings without eliciting strong opinions about what’s right or wrong.
While some feel it’s necessary to have a bridal party in matching gowns and suits, others feel that’s outdated. Traditional vows may ring true to one couple, but deeply inauthentic to another. In 2024, is there really one proper way to throw or attend a wedding? The short answer is no. But there are some ways to make it easier for all involved.
To help, we’ve gathered tips from industry experts, Guardian readers and wedding attendees around the world.
Rules for planning a wedding
Nix the wedding cars: “Wedding cars are overrated. Unless cars are something that you as a couple are passionate about, of course! But nobody ever sees the cars. They turn up and drop you at the ceremony while everyone is already inside and seated. Also, classic cars often don’t have air-conditioning or airbags, two modern conveniences I appreciate every day and wouldn’t want to be without on my wedding day!” – Jonathan Suckling, wedding photographer
If you provide food and drink (and fun), make sure there’s enough: “Guests are only really concerned about three things at your wedding: great food, great drinks and great entertainment. Of course they will always enjoy the beautiful view of your seaside wedding, but truly, guests are always happy as long as they have a full and satiated belly. And good dancing too!” – Michal Cohen, makeup artist
Less decor is more: “Don’t try to incorporate everything you see on Pinterest into your wedding. The simpler the better. If invitees have gone to the trouble of purchasing gifts and attending, all they really want to do is enjoy your day with you, not be wowed.” – Johanna from Florida
Parents should share the cost: “I suggest that both sets of parents pay for the wedding! Absurd to think the bride’s family should pay in 2024.” – Alex from Maine
Skip anything you’re doing out of obligation: “Don’t invite people you don’t love and don’t involve things in the day that could make you feel overwhelmed. If you don’t like a first dance, cut it. Eliminate anything stressful, even if you cut half the guests or the creepy uncle! ” – Joel Edwards, film-maker at White Ark Weddings
Do your hair and makeup research carefully: “For the love of all things gorgeous, avoid typing any variation of ‘wedding hair and makeup’ into Google for inspiration. The results come up with overdone and dated looks. Instead, choose a model or celebrity with similarities to you and search their beautifully photographed moments. Then, you and your team can create a custom look that best suits your style.” – Emily Valerio, hairstylist and founder of Brushed With Honey NYC
… consider a divorce fund? “Add this item to the gift registry: ‘Donate to an escrow fund to help cover the costs of separation and divorce.’” – Rick Hepner, a photographer from Salt Lake City, Utah
Wedding etiquette for guests
No drama: “If family members can check their drama at the door and keep the focus on supporting the couple, this can greatly impact the overall enjoyment of the day for all involved. The couple is typically feeling a lot of emotions already, they don’t need the drama. I shot a wedding where one set of parents wanted to make sure they had the same number of photos as the other set of parents and it put a lot of stress on the couple leading up to the wedding.” – Casi Yost, film and digital wedding photographer based out of northern California
Leave photos to the experts: “Guests with cameras and phones: please don’t try to get ‘the shot’. Your friend is paying a lot of money for someone to take that shot. Be present for those big moments – you’ll have plenty of time throughout the day to snap your own photos. And please, don’t hesitate to ask us to take some of you with the couple or your date. That’s what we’re there for!” – Jes Workman, photographer
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Wedding etiquette for the couple
Send thank you notes: “Please give the basic courtesy of sending your guests a thank you card to acknowledge the wedding gifts they’ve given you.” – Tina from St Louis, Missouri
Avoid peak holiday season: “Don’t plan a wedding for the few days between Christmas and New Year’s. People will resent you for it.” – Sterling from British Columbia
Smaller might be better: “Quality over quantity. Please, no 100+ guest parties. Nobody is able to talk with so many people in one night. Smaller is better, or stagger it, add a backyard barbecue for some, a brunch the next day.” – Isabel Bubel from North Carolina
Consider what guests are going to do during your photo break: “Don’t keep your guests waiting over an hour while you take pictures. At the last wedding [reception] I attended, the bride and groom, both sets of parents and the bridesmaids and groomsmen showed up over 90 minutes after the wedding. A lone aunt whom no one knew was left in charge of the reception during that time.” – Carolyn Martinez from Atlanta, Georgia
Ensure your guests are comfortable: “Consider your guests’ comfort during the ceremony – no one likes to be hungry or cold. Even if you have your heart set on an outdoor event, it’s often best to move inside if the weather isn’t agreeable. And everyone loves a snack or drink on their way in.” – Freyan Billimoria, owner of Studio Rien
Take care when addressing invitations: “Do NOT refer to your guests on the invitation as Mr and Mrs His-First-Name His-Last-Name. I don’t care how formal your wedding is, it’s extremely insulting … There are plenty of ways to indicate formality without erasing somebody’s fundamental identity in the world. Modern rule: Women have their own names. Use them.” – Virginia from Boston, Massachusetts
Extend cocktail hour: “Cocktail hour doesn’t actually have to be exactly one hour. Extend it and add some fun apps and cocktails. Guests will love it and you’ll have time to wrap up all your photos without missing anything!” – Megan Lentz from Vida Events
Be present with your spouse and guests: “You do not need to be the host of your own party. You paid your vendors to do that. Just focus on having fun with your partner – stick by their side, tear it up on the dance floor. Your guests will feed off of your energy and follow suit.” – Kirsten Bierlein-Hollenback, owner and lead planner at The Opal Affair
Speak now: A Guardian guide to the realities of a modern wedding
