Danny Dyer has admitted he has a ‘major panic attack’ after blanked out on stage due to a drug fuelled bender while he was performing Harold Pinter on Broadway.
The actor, now 46, was in his early twenties when the British playwright took him under his wing and had him performing his plays on Broadway.
And speaking about his early acting days, Danny confessed he ‘took a lot of drugs out there’ and ended up forgetting his lines on stage.
He admitted he sat up all night smoking crack and thought he would be fine to go on stage the next day, but quickly realised he wasn’t.
Speaking to Elizabeth Day on her podcast How To Fail, Danny explained: ‘I’d never been to New York. And so when we transferred from the Almeida to the Lincoln center in New York, I got very excited.
Danny Dyer has admitted he blanked out on stage after a drug bender during Harold Pinter Broadway performance as he confesses ‘the fear has never left him since’
Speaking about his early acting days, Danny confessed he ‘took a lot of drugs out there’ and ended up forgetting his lines on stage (pictured performing The Homecoming by Harold Pinter at The Almeida in London in 2008)
‘Well, I took a lot of drugs out there. And this is the other thing I’d never dried. I take it very seriously, my work, and I love it, and I strive to be better every night.
‘And, you know, I’d never got in a situation, I’d heard about people that had dried on stage, you know, because it’s a massive thing and all that, and it never happened to me.
‘Anyway, I thought that I could sit up all night, smoking crack, and then walk on stage, and of course you can’t f*****g do that, it’s a ridiculous idea.’
Recounting the incident he continued: ‘And I interjected. Like I’d done, you know, many, many nights before, you know, like I’ve done this play so much, matinees, and I just didn’t have a clue what to say.
‘And the worst thing was the other actors, who knew I’d been out, looking at me. I come behind their little bonkette thing and I interject and they all turn to me.
‘So their, their faces are away from the audience and it was just their horror. As if to go, come on then pr**k, and that made me worse because I thought oh s**t actually.’
Danny admitted he had never had that feeling before and thought he might cry: ‘I’d never had that feeling before. I loved showing off. And then all of a sudden it’s like, so my lips started to go, cause I was going to cry.
‘Cause I thought, you know, obviously cause I hadn’t been in a bed, I felt really vulnerable. And then Andy De La Tour, shouted the line out and I snapped into this and I did it and I said it.
He told podcast host Elizabeth Day: ‘Anyway, I thought that I could sit up all night, smoking crack, and then walk on stage, and of course you can’t f*****g do that, it’s a ridiculous idea’ (pictured peforming Pinter 7 with Martin Freeman in 2019)
After the show, Danny was consoled by Harold, as he explained: ‘And then Harold came up to me after and he sort of gave me a cuddle and that made me worse, made me cry (Harold pictured in 2000)
He added: ‘It was a wake up call. And I’ve done many plays since that fears never left me since’
The star then revealed when he went off stage between scenes he had a ‘major major panic attack’ but then realised he had to get on with it.
‘I thought “f**k, you put yourself in this situation now get on with it”. You know, and even when Keith Allen’s looking at you going, f**k you now, mate, you know, you’re in trouble.’
After the show, Danny was consoled by Harold, as he explained: ‘And then Harold came up to me after and he sort of gave me a cuddle and that made me worse, made me cry.
‘It was a wake up call. And I’ve done many plays since that fears never left me since.’
As Elizabeth asked him what his relationship with drugs was like after that pivotal moment, Danny said it changed it for the duration of the play when he didn’t do them again.
Yet the star also opened up about his tendency to self destruct and how he has worked through his issues in therapy.
He candidly explained: ‘I’m quite good at pressing the f**k it button. For many years. And when I had a lot of therapy in rehab, I realized it did go back to abandonment issues of strong male figures in my life.
‘Like my dad left, that f****d my head up, then I became really close to my granddad who died of cancer when I was 16, you know like six months.
‘He got prostate cancer and then I nursed him and he just f*****g deteriorated Big, strong f*****g man. So that done me.
‘And then Harold came into my life and then he died of cancer. And I think that I thought, well, I’m just going to f*****g press the f**k it button before they die on me or, you know, I’ll, I’ll beat them to it.
‘That’s what I learned in therapy and a lot of therapy, it was abandonment issues for males.’
How to Fail with Elizabeth Day is available wherever you get your podcasts.
