DEAR ABBY: Husband refuses to add wife to home’s mortgage

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for nine years (married for seven). I moved into his house with him, and I’m still not on the mortgage. I work full time in the medical field and contribute to all the bills. We did meet with an attorney, and if, God forbid, something happens to him, we have a quitclaim deed, and I wouldn’t have to leave. However, he has said to me several times, “If you do this or that, you can’t live here anymore.”

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I’m on eggshells a lot. My concern is that he could tell me to leave at any time, and I wouldn’t have a say in it. I love him with all my heart, but he makes me feel like I’m disposable. It makes me sad and uneasy. What do you think? — TENTATIVE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TENTATIVE: Your husband should not be threatening you. You live in a state in which assets are decided by a judge “on an equitable basis.” For your peace of mind, schedule an appointment with an attorney and discuss where you would be financially if your marriage should not work out. Then plan accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend has an aging father who will not bathe more than twice a month. Even then, it’s usually just one five-minute shower about every three weeks. Her dad changes clothes at about the same frequency. My friend has tried everything — asking nicely, nagging, pleading, etc. He continues to ignore her. What, if anything, can my friend do? — LOYAL SUPPORTER IN IOWA

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DEAR SUPPORTER: Sometimes as people age their olfactory sense diminishes. Was your friend’s aging father always this way, or is this relatively new behaviour? If it’s new and he has a doctor, he may need to be neurologically evaluated. If more is going on, and he can no longer take care of himself (i.e., do laundry, clean his home, etc.), someone should do it for him on a regular basis. If he refuses to allow that, suggest she visit with him in well-ventilated surroundings.

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DEAR ABBY: My longtime neighbour has stopped speaking to me. I’ve reached out to her, but she doesn’t respond. We raised our children together. Her son is getting married out of state, and my son will be in the wedding party. The groom has sent us a “save the date” card. I would love to see him be married, but I don’t want to spoil the day for his mother. Have you any advice about how to proceed? — WONDERING IN COLORADO

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DEAR WONDERING: I wish you had given me a clue about why your longtime neighbour no longer speaks to you. This is not HER wedding. Her son would not have sent a “save the date” card if he didn’t want you to be part of this special day. If you would be comfortable attending under these circumstances, then go. But don’t expect that the breach will be healed. If not, send your regrets and a small gift to the happy couple.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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