Jeremy Clarkson opened his cosy Cotswolds pub, which features a real tractor suspended from the ceiling, in the picturesque village of Asthall last month.
It hasn’t been without its challenges, with customers vociferously complaining about high prices and lengthy queues, and the toilets becoming unusable on the very first day of opening. However, the Clarkson’s Farm star delivered a warning to naysayers as he fought back for the first time this weekend.
“I do ask, if you drop by, to remember this. Your lunch, if it arrives at all, is costing us a lot more than it’s costing you – so please be kind,” he declared. Jeremy elaborated on the jaw-dropping cost challenges he’s facing in a new column for The Times.
He’d had a vision of providing an all-British menu, using only produce grown or reared by UK farmers, which meant shunning ketchup, Coca Cola and coffee. Yet the cracks in the plan quickly began to show, as he struggled with how to make his patriotic venture profitable.
He explained that while imported black pepper would cost him around £10 per kilogram, the home-grown alternative would cost “ten times” that price. “If I butcher one of my own pigs and turn it into sausages, each one of those sausages will arrive at the pub costing 74p but] if I buy imported pig meat then the cost of a sausage is 18p. It was the same story everywhere,” he groaned.
“Now a business-minded person would look at these costs and realise that with British-only rules in place a hotdog was going be priced at about £45 – but I’m not a business-minded person, so I just filled my heart with hope,” Jeremy explained.
He added that he’d sought the help of an AI program to tell him the average price of lunch in a Cotswolds pub and then charged similar amounts, hoping for the best.
However, he’s now facing the prospect of making a potential £10 loss every time a customer walks through the door.
Jeremy – who was left “absolutely knackered” in the lead-up to the opening day after spending 35 hours in a tractor over a long weekend – says the chaos that surrounded the launch is starting to die down.
However, he did reveal one hilarious story about a man falsely posing as a farmer to gain entry to the “farmers-only” upstairs bar.
He said the man had been relentlessly quizzed by himself and Clarkson’s Farm sidekick Kaleb Cooper after his shoes didn’t look right for his profession.
Jeremy was all set to let him go up after he correctly identified that glyphosate was “weed killer” – but an unconvinced Kaleb asked him how many acres were in a hectare, and he exposed his true colours by getting that question wrong, leading to the man being ushered out.
Jeremy still remains committed to The British Dream but challenges lie ahead as he continues to cross his fingers for the future of his quintessential Cotswolds pub.
Meanwhile, check out our review of The Farmer’s Dog after being one of the first to enter the pub on launch day.
