SEX FILES: Why women are swearing off men

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Over the past year, I’ve noticed a change on Instagram.

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There’s an outpouring of videos that feature women embracing singledom – spending time with friends, exploring the world, and indulging in self-care. What’s striking is that these digital creators express no interest in changing their relationship status.

They are “decentring men,” investing in personal growth and joyfully reaping the mental health benefits.

This isn’t just an internet trend. A 2023 Pew Research study found that nearly 40% of millennial women prioritize career advancement over starting a family, a number that continues to increase among Gen-Z. As older Gen-Z approaches the age when getting married and starting a family was once common, their partner choice is also evolving.

A recent Gallup survey revealed that 28.5% of Gen Z women identify as LGBTQ+, which highlights shifting attitudes around gender, sexuality, and relationships.

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So, why exactly are women swearing off men and dating each other instead? Dr. Wendy Walsh, a psychology professor and relationship expert at DatingNews and DatingAdvice says that it all can be explained with biology and evolutionary science.

Over email, Walsh explained an overabundance of successful women has led to an increase in same-sex relationships.

In the information age, “Frankly, women are more suited to extract resources from the environment. Simply put, women are better communicators and more socially sensitive,” she says. Therefore, women are taking advantage of career opportunities and quite literally, “sitting on their eggs” at a time when they are most fertile.

Developmental stages are also shifting for everyone – regardless of gender.

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“People are taking longer to leave the nest and become fully “adult,” says Walsh.

Overall, she thinks this is a good thing.

“While the biological height of female fertility is the age of twenty, our prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until age 25. Research has shown that later onset of sexual behaviour is associated with healthier relationships and later first marriages result in fewer divorces,” Walsh says.

The downside of delaying marriage and family is that it’s created “The George Clooney Effect” – a psychological phenomenon where educated, high-earning women desire older men with even more clout and status. Unfortunately, “those guys are busy riding the wave of free sex that also accompanies female freedom. Educated men aren’t about to settle down early as they don’t have a fertility window,” says Walsh.

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As women continue to put off starting a family, the fertility gap between women and men widens. Walsh says this creates a shortage of viable male partners “smack dab in the middle of their peer females’ fertility windows.”

While the situation may sound dire, Walsh reminds us that evolution is designed to help humans adapt and survive. Enter: same-sex relationships.

“Evolutionary psychologists have long maintained that all humans are wired for bi-sexual behavior,” says Walsh.

Sexuality is a spectrum and for many people (myself included) it can be fluid.

“Historically, whenever there is a gender imbalance, same-sex behavior in the prolific gender becomes condoned by the tribe,” says Walsh.

Hence, the reason women are partnering with women.

Besides, the survival benefits of sex extend beyond reproduction. “Sex is a stress reducer, a social connector, and a way to bond and share resources,” says Walsh.

And when you’re a successful woman holding the purse strings, you’re more likely to want to share those resources with someone equally successful. Often that’s another woman.

While women decentring men may be a hard pill to swallow, “Many educated women prefer a successful woman over a less educated man,” says Walsh.

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