PANIC BOOT ROOMS
Five games into the Premier League season. It’s probably time to start panicking. Six teams have failed to win a match. Now, where were those spare bedsheets? For unemployed managers looking for further opportunities, probably time to accept requests to appear as a pundit, get the face back out there, even if that means having to fly to Doha. Admittedly, it’s not quite sacking season. Most clubs are more patient these days. The halcyon time of Peter J Swales wielding the axe on Peter Reid after 13 days of Manchester City’s 1993-94 season, despite a new contract, are in the past. Modern clubs are projects, moving forward together as stakeholders in symbiosis and all that jazz. If the suits are copper-bottomed against much being their fault, it’s still a bad look to have conducted a full and exhaustive recruitment process in which no stone was left unturned but you appointed the second coming of Villa-issue Rémi Garde.
So, who’s on the chopping block, to use a medieval vernacular to remind that, yes, the managerial game is something of a bloodsport? Let’s start at the bottom with Gary O’Neil and Wolves. Nobody seethes with impotent rage quite like Angry Gary, who in full flow against the great evils of VAR can resemble the younger Gary Oldman or Tim Roth. It’s not what he says, but how he says it. Public reminders that his bosses sold Max Kilman and Pedro Neto from under him are well aimed, and will doubtless be used if the chop comes, though one league win since March – and that against Luton – is not great.
Sean Dyche, level on points with Angry Gary, may too growl that his Everton hand is forced by having players sold from underneath him. But with new owners coming in – well, hopefully – and a new stadium set for next season – well, hopefully – Dycheball could well be victim of a new broom sweeping clean in time-honoured style, wanting a polished, progressive salesman for the hi-tech enormodome. People forget how good Status Quo were at opening Live Aid. And completing the bottom three, Russell Martin, his Southampton team trying to play football the right way but forgetting that includes not passing to the opposition. Removing him would appear an act of great ruthlessness considering playoff success last season and performances have been pretty OK, if you believe in what the stattos refer to as “underlying numbers”.
Entering the chat: Julen Lopetegui, previously depicted as the Basque David Moyes, a comparison that only now works if Moyes had forgotten how to organise a defence. Poor Julen ended up so annoyed by West Ham’s 5-1 Rumbelows Cup defeat at Liverpool he managed to knack himself, leaving Anfield on crutches. Which leaves mid-table’s Erik ten Hag and Ange Postecoglou, meeting this Sunday. This week, Manchester United suits set a target of winning the Premier League in 2028, almost certainly hastening Ten Hag’s exit by doing so. As for Ange, “it’s just who we are, mate” is a catchphrase that could well soon be wearing rather thin.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join us for Friday night Women’s Super League coverage of Crystal Palace 0-0 Chelsea (7.30pm BST) with Xaymaca Awoyungbo.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“What is called the Mourinho effect? Trophies. Cups. We cannot win trophies in September. There are no trophies to win in September. How can you see the effect? In every club I’ve been at, I won cups. Except Tottenham” – José Mourinho in full flow after Fenerbahce edged out Union Saint-Gilloise 2-1 in Bigger Vase.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
After a difficult last couple of years for the club, it’s good to see the football Godts smile upon Ajax again” – Peter Oh.
I must protest your failure to award Phil C0ckburn your prizeless prize for his hilarious comment (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). Apparently selecting proper winners is not your forte. Come to think of it, do you have one?” – John Nielsen-Gammon.
Love your Football Daily letters segment and how you pick a winner each time, but … I think it would be interesting if you had a little button on each of the posted letters wherein we could vote for which one we thought was the best. Keep a tight window on when we can vote and ensure each email address can only vote once on that particular day. Even if we don’t know the winner until the next day, that will drive more traffic as I want to see if my selection won” – Harry Webb.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Peter Oh. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
FIRE UP THE FAMILY MADRIGAL
It’s time for a Bigger Vase roundup … Bigger Vase roundup. Dom Solanke’s warm run has continued after he scored in 10-man Spurs’ win over Qarabag; Rangers are up and running with a 2-0 victory at Malmö; and Athletic Bilbao have condemned the behaviour of some of their fans after flares were lobbed during the 1-1 draw with Roma [hmm … sounded like it might work back in the intro part – Football Daily Ed].
COMING OUT SWINGING
Peter Odemwingie enjoyed a fine playing career, earning 65 Nigeria caps and starring for Lille, Lokomotiv Moscow and West Brom. And yet for purveyors of recycled football b@nter, he will always be remembered for that fateful trip to QPR’s car park in January 2013. “It was very embarrassing in many ways,” he says. “I’m a guy with pride but I have a good heart so I knew that it would pass.” Having first picked up a golf club in 2012, Odemwingie became a PGA professional earlier this year – managing to learn and master a second sport while we were all still chuckling at his deadline-day antics. He got his chat on during a round with Ed Aarons.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Darren Eales is to step down as CEO of Newcastle United after being diagnosed with a chronic form of blood cancer. Eales, 52, will remain in the post until a successor is appointed. “All of us connected with Newcastle are very saddened by this news,” said the club chairman, Yasir al-Rumayyan.
Pep Guardiola has confirmed that Rodri will miss the rest of the season with ACL-twang, after the midfielder underwent surgery on Friday morning. “Unfortunately we got the worst news but that is what happened,” sighed Pep, who will also be without Kevin De Bruyne for Saturday’s trip to St James’ Park.
Manchester City have been drawn with Barcelona in the Women’s Big Cup group stages, while Arsenal have landed Juventus and Bayern Munich.
The amount of schools offering girls equal access to football has risen sharply since 2020 but is not yet matching FA expectations. While 85% of primary schools offer girls equality of football access in PE lessons, half of secondary schools still do not do so.
Game of the weekend looks like being in Munich, where Bayern host Leverkusen in the Bundesliga. “We’ve scored 20 goals in the last three games, but it’s my job to show what we can do better,” whooped the Bavarians’ boss Vincent Kompany. “Anything is possible against Leverkusen. We’ll prepare the team to perform to their max on Saturday. Then we move on.”
And Graham Potter is, um, getting the face back out there. “Part of the reflection was the need to look after yourself, self-care, so I have to maintain my glow-up,” he tooted.
STILL WANT MORE?
Forest are still unbeaten in the league and Will Unwin reckons they’re reaping the benefits of becoming more process-oriented after ditching off-field chaos.
Sid Lowe writes about the anxiety hanging around Barcelona as Lamine Yamal’s fitness remains in balance the more he plays.
A Friday staple: 10 things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend.
And the sports quiz of the week is here and ready for you to master it.
RECOMMENDED SHOPPING
Chaos in the Box, the new David Squires book, is coming soon. You can order it now through our bookshop and get a 20% discount.
MEMORY LANE
The Scottish Cup first round kicks off this weekend. Here, we see Alex Ferguson giving his Aberdeen players (including Gordon Strachan) some tactical advice before extra time against Rangers in 1983. It paid off as Eric Black scored a late winner to earn Aberdeen the second of three consecutive Scottish Cup titles.
