In the early days of dating, it can almost feel like a job interview. Yes, they sound good and the benefits are clear but are they actually a good fit for you?
Dr Gayle Watts, Clinical Psychologist and co-founder of Turning Tides Psychology explained that when you’re feeling uncertain, it may be worth looking for ‘pink flags’.
Dr Watts explained: “ While pink flags tend to be more subtle than the very obvious red flags, they absolutely can pose a risk to a relationship. They can and should be addressed, particularly as they could repeatedly flag up in the future.
“You can use these as an opportunity to improve your new relationship. Alternatively, draw a line in what you will and will not stand for in a future relationship.”
Watts shared with us her key flags to look for…
Five pink flags to look for in a new relationship
Your love languages are at odds
Dr Watts said: “Your love language refers to how you give affection. That could be physical touch, such as holding hands and kissing or acts of service, such as making dinner for your partner or as simple as a cup of tea.
“Your love language isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker, far from it. However, if these differences are overlooked, it can cause friction down the road if not discussed early on.”
There is an unwillingness to share past experiences
The expert urged: “When you meet someone new, it’s normal to want to know everything about them and vice versa. It’s exciting, electric and even more so when you can share your past experiences. But do you sense they are hiding something?
“If you do, you need to address whether this is important to you. Do you need to know their past? Are these going to present issues in the future? If so, you must share your reasons for asking about their past and why you need to discuss this to move forward.”
No arguments yet?
While a lack of arguments can feel like good thing, Dr Watts warns that you may need to consider why conflict hasn’t occured.
She said: “While conflict isn’t necessary early in a relationship, as your relationship moves forward, you may notice that you haven’t had any arguments which could suggest a fear of vulnerability and confrontation. But that’s not to say you should argue or panic that your relationship is going to fail.
“Instead, this provides you with the opportunity to decide how you want to communicate with your partner during disagreements. Do you need space or do you prefer to talk immediately after an argument? You can share your feelings and needs at an earlier stage so that you are ready to tackle any issues together.”
You notice inconsistency or unreliability in them
Dr Watts added that you should ask yourself an uncomfortable question: “Do you feel like your partner doesn’t match your standards with regard to reliability?”
She added, “this could be something as simple as turning up late every time you meet, to changing plans repeatedly at the last minute and disregarding your time. If this is the case, you should raise this now, particularly if this is at odds with your expectations.”
She advised that you should explain why this is important to you and what it means when you feel disregarded, adding that it’s best to focus on the problem now rather than in the future when it could cause a larger disagreement.
They’re secretive about your relationship
The expert asked: “Have you ever met their friends or family? Are they secretive about their social media accounts? Have you struggled to get them to ‘pin down’ your relationship?”
If you said yes to any of those questions, it could be a sign they are hiding something and, subsequently, unable to commit at the same time you are ready to commit.
She said: “Share your thoughts on your relationship and where you see this relationship heading.
“Alternatively, share what you are looking for at the early stages to ensure you and your future partner are on the same page. There’s no point in both of you wasting time on a relationship you see going in different direction.”
While pink flags might be upsetting to identify, it’s better to know now rather than further down the line.
