Photographs by AntonioSolano/Getty Images; malamus-UK; Getty Images; Collage/NPR
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Dear Life Kit is NPR’s advice column, where experts answer tricky questions about relationships, social etiquette, work culture and more.
This question was answered by comedian, writer and advice columnist Sophia Benoit. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Dear Life Kit,
I’m a single woman in my mid-30s. I never married and have no kids. Recently, I went back to school for an MBA. I’ll be graduating soon, and I’m wondering if I can create a “happy graduation” registry, similar to the kind people make when getting married or having a baby.
I love my family and friends, and I’ve never thought twice about buying wedding or baby gifts over the years. Those are big moments and they should be celebrated.
Does my big achievement reach that same level of recognition? Would it be rude to send out invitations to a celebration that also includes a registry link?” — Party of one
In general, I think registries, even at weddings, have an inherent awkwardness to them. They’re saying, “hey, get me things.”
But I am so into this idea for you. I think it’s fabulous. Part of love is accepting help and generosity as well as giving those things out. If you reframe this registry for yourself as, “I’m celebrating this huge milestone in my life, and I’d like to invite people to celebrate this with me. And if somebody wants to, here are things I would really love,” you’re inviting them in. This is a nice way to include everybody.
You can have a sense of humor about it and say, even in the invite, “This MBA is my baby,” or something cute. You can shout out that it is a little unusual, and even include a note like, “Please don’t feel like you have to get me anything.”
I think anyone who has a problem with it probably has very traditional ideas about things, and that’s OK. They can just not participate. If somebody thinks you’re too bold and that bothers them, that’s a good thing to be. You don’t need to put yourself in a box that someone else created. And if your little “faux pas” leads to a KitchenAid mixer, you came out ahead.
This digital story was written by Beck Harlan. It was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan.
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