Why so many cancer patients are ‘ghosted’ by their families after a diagnosis

When Ashley Levinson was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in 2023, she thought she would be able to lean on her relatives for love and support.

But not long after she told them the devastating news, her relatives went silent. The calls stopped coming, and so did the encouraging texts. It was like they had disappeared.

Ms Levinson, a retired nurse from New Jersey, was the victim of cancer ghosting – when friends and loved ones cease all contact after someone receives a cancer diagnosis.

The loss of friends and some relatives was distressing, and completely unexplained.  

The heartbreaking phenomenon is extremely painful for the patient battling cancer, who suddenly finds themselves alone.

Beating cancer takes a village of close friends and family for support as well as a comprehensive medical team of oncologists and counselors to help deal with the myriad of psychological effects of being diagnosed with the disease. 

Ms Levinson’s experience of losing relatives during the most challenging time of her life is not an uncommon one.

In fact, one survey of cancer patients found 65 percent had seen their friends and relatives cut contact after revealing their diagnosis.

Karen Selby, a registered nurse at the Mesothelioma Center in Orlando, Florida, told DailyMail.com of a cancer patient she cares for who said that since his diagnosis eight months ago ‘all but one of his friends have stopped communicating with him altogether.’ 

Ashley Levinson was abandoned by friends and family when she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year

Ms Levinson told ABC the lack of contact with family members ‘was really a punch to the gut when the people who I thought were my core people weren’t there for me.’ 

She, fortunately, still had the love and support of her two children, Hannah, 21, and Jake, 23, who were with their mother the whole way. 

Often, when relatives or friends sever contact with a sick person, it has nothing to do with the sick person.

Instead, the ‘ghosting’ is borne out of fear of or trauma from similar previous experiences and may be a person’s way of protecting themselves. 

Ms Levinson believes her relatives stopped speaking to her due to the trauma of losing another family member to breast cancer years prior.

She said: ‘Maybe they felt like ignoring it would make it go away. But as we all know, cancer does not go away on its own.’

Patients who have detailed their experiences with cancer ghosting said they reminded their relatives of death whenever they saw each other, and those relatives didn’t know how to handle it.

Natasha Carlson was abandoned by two close friends of 22 years after she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018, she wrote for curetoday.com.

She wrote she did not speak with those friends for over a year after being diagnosed. 

She said: ‘No responses to emails, texts, phone calls. Even when I was reaching out because I was confused and hurt, this did not generate any sort of reciprocal response.

‘Honestly, this was one of the most painful parts of the entire cancer experience for me. Losing my breasts was hard. Losing my close friend of 22 years… was not something that I had even remotely thought might happen. 

‘It was a bitter and painful lesson that I was forced to learn during a particularly vulnerable time in my life.’

Ms Levinson is pictured after her mastectomy this year. Patients experiencing cancer ghosting have shared their relatives avoided them because seeing each other reminded them of death, leaving the relatives unsure how to cope

Ms Levinson is pictured with her two children who have been by her side throughout the entire ordeal, attending chemo treatments with her and supporting her recovery

She wondered if her friends couldn’t be there due to personal struggles but questioned why they didn’t reconnect after their rough patches were over. 

She believed the shame of abandoning their friend, guilt, embarrassment or poor mental health could be factors. And while she may never know the reasons, Ms Carlson has come to terms with the pain of not having closure and continues to feel frustrated and hurt by the situation. 

Meanwhile, Maggie Hundshamer-Moshier was diagnosed with breast cancer and was ‘scared out of my mind,’ she wrote. 

Many friends she regularly interacted with before the diagnosis slowly faded from her life. Initially, it wasn’t very noticeable, but over time, she realized how many had disappeared. 

She said: ‘My first instinct was sorrow, which then turned to anger and resentment. It became easy to wonder why everyone else’s lives kept on while mine seemed to be at a standstill. I never stopped to take the time to realize why they may be absent.

‘It was hard to see outside of my own pain at the time to realize that the people I loved were also just trying to protect themselves.’

They were afraid of losing her if she didn’t get better.

There were too many questions they didn’t feel comfortable asking, fearing they might come across as insensitive.

And it was painful for them to watch someone they loved suffer so much. The situation reminded them of a past loss, and they weren’t ready to experience that same heartbreak again. 

Another patient who goes unnamed described on Reddit the feeling of being ghosted after their cancer diagnosis as ‘shocking and confusing’ and ‘just not something I could even imagine doing.’ 

They said: ‘[My close friend group] also collectively ignored my 30th birthday which was just a few months after my diagnosis… This for me nullifies the “they didn’t know what to say” excuse. It doesn’t take much eloquence to text a friend “happy birthday.”‘ 

They said that now, around three years after starting treatment, the abandonment still hurts and even angers them. 

They added: ‘I’m honestly not confident that me telling them now that ghosting me was superbly hurtful would generate any productive outcomes. But at the same time it feels wrong that they are taking absolutely zero accountability.’

Ms Selby was surprised to find out, after hearing about it for the first time from her current patient, how pervasive this problem is. She said that, since she works in the medical field, patients are more likely to talk to her about their physical problems than emotional ones. 

She said: ‘This is not just someone’s imagination of feeling neglected. It is happening to patients across the nation during a time when they are frankly in real need of both physical and emotional support from their friends and family.’