The mother-in-law relationship is a fabled one and it’s generally accepted to be fairly fraught.
Boundary crossings, misunderstandings and disapproval can pepper even the mildest mother and daughter- or son-in-law relationships. While many therapeutic settings have heard the complaints of both parties in this dynamic, Newsweek wondered if there was another way to get the wisdom needed to navigate such tricky relationships.
Newsweek asked generative AI tool ChatGPT to outline a few ways daughters- and sons-in-laws can deal with their mothers-in-law.
We asked ChatGPT the following prompt: “You are a relationship expert. Outline three ways a daughter-in-law can deal with her mother-in-law, and three ways a son-in-law can deal with his mother-in-law.
Photo-illustration by Newsweek/Getty
Ways to Deal With a Challenging Mother-in-Law, According to ChatGPT
The bot proposed a list of six ways people can deal with their mothers-in-law—three for women and three for men.
Newsweek has listed the six methods as suggested by the AI tool below:
Ways for a Daughter-in-Law to Deal With a Challenging Mother-in-Law:
Set Boundaries Respectfully
Establishing clear and respectful boundaries is essential. If your mother-in-law has a tendency to overstep, calmly and politely communicate your limits. For example, if she frequently offers unsolicited advice on parenting, you might say, “I appreciate your experience, but we’re comfortable with how we’re handling things.” The key is to be firm, but respectful, avoiding confrontation while maintaining your autonomy.
Find Common Ground
Building a positive relationship can be easier if you focus on what you have in common. Whether it’s a shared hobby, favorite TV show, or a mutual interest in a particular cuisine, finding common ground can help foster a connection. This approach can create opportunities for bonding, making interactions more pleasant and less contentious.
Lean on Your Partner for Support
It’s important to have your partner’s support when dealing with a difficult mother-in-law. Discuss any issues privately with your spouse and ask them to mediate if necessary. Having your partner on your side can help in navigating tricky situations and ensuring that you present a united front when setting boundaries or addressing concerns.
Ways for a Son-in-Law to Deal with a Challenging Mother-in-Law
Show Appreciation and Acknowledge Her Role
A little appreciation can go a long way. Acknowledge her role in your spouse’s life and express gratitude for her contributions. Complimenting her cooking, seeking her advice on a small matter or showing interest in her stories can help build a rapport and reduce tension.
Stay Calm and Avoid Power Struggles
If your mother-in-law tends to be controlling or overly critical, it’s crucial to stay calm and avoid getting into power struggles. Respond to her criticisms with calmness and kindness, and if necessary, use humor to defuse the situation. For example, if she critiques your home improvement skills, you could say with a smile, “I guess I have more to learn!”
Encourage Positive Interactions With Your Spouse
Sometimes tension arises because a mother feels distant from her child. Encourage and facilitate positive interactions between your spouse and their mother. Whether it’s organizing a family dinner or suggesting a mother-daughter outing, fostering their relationship can help alleviate some of the strain on yours.
‘A great starting point’
Clinical psychologist Dr. Holly Batchelder reflected on the ChatGPT response for Newsweek and offered additional depth that the chatbot might have missed.
She said that in her work, the relationship with a mother-in-law is a dynamic she hears about often, especially among new parents. Ultimately, Batchelder said the AI guidance provides a “solid foundational approach”—but it misses some of the nuance necessary to navigate interpersonal, and intergenerational, relationships.
“[ChatGPT] offers practical strategies like setting boundaries, finding common ground and involving your partner—valuable tools for navigating family dynamics,” she said.
“However, where AI falls short is in capturing the emotional depth, cultural nuance and relational history that shape how these strategies might work in real life. Every relationship is unique, and the way advice is applied depends on many layers.”
Batchelder said that if she were to edit the AI response, she would include the importance of understanding cultural context.
She referenced mental-health expert Pamela Hays’ “ADDRESSING” framework, which considers factors like age, disability, religion, ethnicity, and social status to understand the best approach to a complicated mother-in-law relationship.
“Generational gaps or religious differences may influence how a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law interact,” Batchelder said as an example. “Emotional intelligence and non-verbal cues, which AI cannot fully grasp, are key in these situations as well.”
Despite the lack of cultural nuance, Batchelder said that AI and tools like ChatGPT can provide introductory material for conflict management—and get the wheels turning on other strategies.
“AI provides a great starting point and can offer creative, structured advice. It’s like having an extra brain to help explore possibilities, which can be especially useful for those feeling overwhelmed,” she said.
“However, the downside is that AI lacks the ability to truly understand the complex layers of human relationships, especially when cultural factors and personal histories come into play. Relying solely on AI risks oversimplifying nuanced dynamics that require human empathy and insight.”
