I’ve been to the new Big Brother house – the backlash is wrong

A humongous throne splattered in multicoloured paint which sets the tone for this year’s house.

The new residence may look familiar but in true Big Brother tradition there is a new theme running through its veins, seemingly inspired by Neil Buchanan. It’s an art attack everywhere you turn, which feels much more prominent in the flesh.

Leaving through the side door, the moment you enter the house it’s an overload of bright colours for the eyes with giant splatters of paint dripping down the walls everywhere.

At first I couldn’t work out why but it wasn’t long before I felt as though the house was almost caving in on itself.

It is trippy as hell to walk through and in the hour alone I had to snoop around I could tell if I had to spend more than a day or two in there I’d start to unravel at record speed. I’d likely be the first person ever to be nominated by every single housemate and voted for by every member of the public, and tell AJ, ‘I’m pretty sure the décor was my downfall, Bab.’

The bathroom has had a complete overhaul, it feels completely different to the bathroom of 2023 and it’s huge. There’s double shower which feels incredibly suggestive to a prude like me, and the large tub is surrounded by a seating area should housemates want to watch each other soak which is an unusual flex, no? I suppose not when there’s 2 million people watching your every move.

As someone who is currently looking for bathroom renovation inspiration, the bathroom was my favourite room in the house. I would probably be the most boring housemate ever sat in the bath until Big Brother came and physically removed me.

The bedroom was very familiar, the only major change was a different colour scheme and new bedding. They’ve kept the superior bed Louis Walsh insisted he’d be sleeping in on Celebrity Big Brother, which could provide some tension.

Speaking of, the beds are very comfy. A spokesperson grinned and told me ITV ‘didn’t scrimper’ when it came to the beds and they weren’t exaggerating. If I wasn’t in the bath I would make sure I could spend as much time as I could horizontal and under the sheets.

It’s a wonder ITV hasn’t been banging on my door to sign me up as housemate, to be honest.

And then there’s the living room, kitchen and dining room – the main living quarters.

Many moons ago I had a tour around the former Big Brother house in Borehamwood – famously known as the Borehamwood bungalow – way back in the Channel 5 era. When I was there I was immediately thrown by how small it was – when housemates were bitching about one another they were literally a few feet away.

This house feels absolutely massive in comparison. The colours might quickly become nauseating but actually the house feels far less claustrophobic than it looks on television.

Rival teams pairing off isn’t new to Big Brother, of course, but in this house it does feel easier to avoid housemates you’re beefing with or just not fussed about. I can see why it might take a lot longer for some housemates to really get to know each other or for others to feeling a loneliness we might not have seen on Big Brother until last series.

Several items caught my eye too.

There’s a landline telephone attached to the wall that looks as though it’s been lifted straight from the 80s. No doubt this will come into use for a task unless it’s a new interior design trend that’s gone straight over my head.

Once again there’s also the annex which really does feel as though it’s sole purpose is to bitch about other housemates. Maybe that says a lot about me but it feels as though it is there for housemates to sneak off and get safely get their claws out knowing no one other than Big Brother will overhear.

And then finally there’s the garden, the one area of the house where you don’t feel completely cut off from the world.

Again, it’s much bigger than I was anticipating. The summer might be almost over but the Big Brother garden is the ideal spot for a glass of wine in the evenings after a dip in the hot tub.

Not that I am in anyway a hot tub connoisseur but this year’s hot tub did seem quite small compared to how they’ve looked in previous years. Perhaps to avoid a Makosi baby-gate situation but still a hot tub is a hot tub and I wouldn’t be complaining.

One thing that surprised me though was the view from an office into the garden. I imagine the blinds will be permanently closed but I did wonder if even the sight of it will be enough to feel even a little bit connected to the outside world.