Everything From 2024 That Can Totally Get F*cked
What’s that I smell? A bunch of stuff that can totally get f*cked? It must be that time of year. We hope you’ve been enjoying COGconnected’s Game of the Year wrap-up content. We’ve had some tremendous highs and abysmal lows throughout 2024, and we’re thankful that we’ve had the opportunity to experience them with you. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out what COGconnected voted on as our Game of the Year. But, before then, kick back and enjoy everything from the last twelve months that can undeniably, unequivocally, get f*cked.
7. Forced Cross-Play in Online Multiplayer
Devs, can we knock this off in 2025? There are three kinds of people out there: console players wanting to powwow with a bunch of sweaty, greasy PC dweebs, PC players wanting to dominate the broke-ass Hamburger Helper-reliant console plebs, and then the rest of us perfectly normal, totally healthy and ultra well-adjusted folk. If you’re one of the psychopaths that always turns cross-play on, congratulations. For everyone else’s sake, devs, you’ve gotta give your melons a shake the next time you plan on forcing cross-play upon us.
6. Outrageously Priced Cosmetic DLC
Who is still paying for this garbage? Is it you? If it is, kindly lock yourself in your room and refrain from joining society again. Your privileges are revoked. Don’t get it twisted; those greedy executives with dollar-sign eyeballs are to blame here. But it’s those that continue to pay exorbitant prices for this shit that are entirely complicit. Did you really need to spend your kids’ lunch fare on that super sick gun sticker in Call of Duty? Why did you feel that you just had to forego the water bill to snag that embarrassing dragon skin? Tell you what, If you admit that you had no plans to shower for the next month, we’ll let it slide.
5. Forced Online-Only for Single-Player Games
This is clearly the work of the devil. Only a malevolent individual would be bouncing ideas off their brainstorming board and land on forcing people to remain online during a single-player game. Raise your hand if you’ve fallen victim to a random disconnect during a single-player game. I sure have. And it’s comparable to receiving a full-fledged five-finger colonoscopy from Michael Clarke Duncan.
As a matter of fact, letting MCD root around my balloon knot sounds rather enjoyable.
4. Full Games Not Being on Disc
Oh, how I long for the good ol’ days. What happened to the idea that when you pay for something, you get, you know, what you paid for? What is going on in the world? Imagine searching high and low for the best Brazillian butt lift in town, only to wake up with only one cheek… lifted. You, your spouse, and your side-piece from out of state would not be happy. It’s almost 2025, people. Give us what we want, or we’ll take our money and affairs and lopsided asses elsewhere.
3. Releasing Unfinished/Half-Baked Games
What’s even worse than a game launching without everything on the disc? Why, releasing a genuinely incomplete game, of course. Seriously, if you’re a studio that plans on doing this next year, you can get f*cked. Question: is this utter incompetence, or rather a sick, perverted desire to keep a customer base’s collective nutsacks in a vice grip? Either way, dropping a half-assed product that requires months, or even years, of post-launch content has become a mortifying norm that has me pondering whether alcoholism and/or dating a cousin would be a better use of my time. I just can’t take another incomplete game, man. I won’t do it.
2. Studio Closures
Dozens of studios bit the bullet in 2024, and the scary part is there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. Major successes still exist, but it’s apparent that the industry has begun splitting at the seams. The gaming industry has always been a competitive space, but now, more than ever, it feels cutthroat and ruthless. But, hey, as long as we’re selling dance emotes in Fortnite and flying motorcycles in GTA, it’s all copacetic, right? Here’s an idea for all the bigwigs to consider: stop greenlighting these shitty, monotonous, ridiculously expensive “games” like Concord and XDefiant, only to pull the plug as soon as everyone realizes that your vision was an absolute joke.
1. Layoffs
There were close to 15,000 layoffs in the gaming industry in 2024. I don’t need to make any stupid quips to emphasize how absurd this is. My heart goes out to every man and woman affected by this throughout the year. And if you’re one of the hotshots who decided to pull the rug out from under your employees so you could stuff a few extra bucks in your pocket, you can totally get f*cked.
Thank you for keeping it locked on COGconnected.
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