So it looks like you really can get into trouble for attempting to overthrow the U.S. government—as long as you’re not the ringleader, apparently. Rudy Giuliani, who on election night 2020 helpfully and/or drunkenly advised the Trump team to “just say we won,” has been disbarred in New York state after a court determined he repeatedly lied about Trump’s election loss.
It’s the latest stunning reversal of fortune for a man who was once widely celebrated as “America’s Mayor” and was briefly the clear frontrunner for the 2008 GOP presidential nomination. He also becomes the latest gormless sap—in a party long beset by gormless sappery—to have his life completely ruined by Trump.
The court said it found that Giuliani “falsely and dishonestly” claimed during the 2020 Presidential election that thousands of votes were cast in the names of dead people in Philadelphia, including a ballot in the name of the late boxing great Joe Frazier. He also falsely claimed people were taken from nearby Camden, New Jersey, to vote illegally in the Pennsylvania city, the court said.
The order states that Giuliani, who had already had his New York law license suspended for false statements he made after the election, must “desist and refrain from practicing law in any form,” including giving to another an opinion as to the law or its application or any advice” or “holding himself out in any way as an attorney and counselor-at-law.”
Last month, the D.C. Bar’s Board on Professional Responsibility recommended Giuliani be disbarred in Washington, D.C., for attempting to get Pennsylvania’s election results tossed in hopes of returning Trump to his golden throne. But New York is where Rudy made his name, so this one has to sting worse than breezing through LaGuardia on a Tuesday morning, only to find the duty-free scotch shop’s been replaced by a Jamba Juice Express.
Of course, Rudy famously made a fool of himself throughout Trump’s slow-rolling coup attempt, and now his failure is complete. We all recall the Four Seasons Total Landscaping fiasco, wherein Giuliani helped plant the seeds of the stolen-election myth while standing between a low-rent sex shop and a crematorium—subliminally telegraphing America’s entire story arc over the course of a second Trump term.
Then there was the hair dye press conference, during which Rudes repeated a bunch of nonsense that was immediately overshadowed by the gushers of goo extruding from his gourd.
But Giuliani isn’t the first or only individual to face repercussions over his attempt to install a lawless, unaccountable dictator who thinks having his Diet Coke gofer’s salary paid by the government is more important than preserving American democracy.
The list of Trumpy coup attorneys who’ve been disbarred, charged, or otherwise chastened is as long as it is ignominious. Sidney Powell, Kenneth Chesebro, John Eastman, and Jeffrey Clark have all faced their share of consequences. Then there’s Jenna Ellis, the erstwhile Trump sycophant who took a plea deal in the Georgia election-subversion case and had her Colorado law license suspended for three years.
But Rudy is arguably the most tragic member of Trump’s reptilian-brain trust. His reward for his lickspittle obeisance to our wannabe Lord and Slaver was being disbarred in his home state, getting slapped with a $148 million defamation judgment, and being stiffed on legal fees by—Jesus, this guy again—Trump.
But he shouldn’t worry too much. Trump will find something for him to do. If Trump doesn’t return to the White House, he’ll no doubt give Rudy the chance to work off his $148 million debt through a series of increasingly ardent sponge baths. And if King Trump does return, he’ll toss him some sort of sop. Last time around, instead of making Rudy attorney general, he named him his cybersecurity adviser. Then Rudy forgot his password and got locked out of his own phone. So if we’re lucky, Trump might put him in charge of the nuclear codes, making it far less likely Dear Leader will nuke a hurricane or attack North Korea while trying to blame it on someone else. Unless Trump has the good sense to call an Apple genius—which he clearly doesn’t—so please no one tell him, okay?
And if neither of those plans work out, Giuliani can always go back to filming Cameos. Though you should note that none of these Cameos can be construed as legal advice. Because Rudy can’t practice law.
That said, there’s a lot of legal wisdom to be gleaned from this Cameo. (Namely, don’t do illegal shit on behalf of a criminal who doesn’t care about anyone but himself, because it tends not to work out the way you’d think.)
So here’s to Rudy Giuliani, America’s Mayor-cum-disbarred little teapot! Good luck in the future—bleak though it may be.
RELATED STORY: Where in the world is Rudy Giuliani?
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